Thursday, March 24, 2011


Nine. The number of years since she took her first breath. Nine. A small number, but this day it might as well be one hundred. I watch as she sleeps by my side and I stroke her hair. She is the image of beauty and grace. I reminisce of the day when I held her in my arms each night; her little hand resting in mine. She needed me. We were one.

It's hard to imagine that anyone could love her more than I, but there is One. The One to whom she truly belongs. The One who chose to bless me, who had faith in me, greater than I have in myself. The One who entrusted me to raise this precious child. 

He has a plan for her life. A plan that is unfolding before my eyes. There are days that I try to do my best for her, and I fail. I am left wondering. Then He whispers to me it's His plan I need to fulfill. I cry out for forgiveness and surrender this little child, for my best is nothing compared His best. And when I do, she blossoms.

Nine. The number of years of looking into the eyes of a child, my child, and receiving nothing less than a glimpse of the heart of God.

By His grace alone, 

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A War Rages

Everyday is a struggle. An uphill battle. A war rages inside. An illness that began when I was just 18 years old.  An illness that keeps me homebound and sometimes bedridden. An illness that brings guilt and anger. Anger that I cannot be who I want to be. Anger that  I could give so much more. Guilt that I have robbed my family of a normal life. Guilt that I have taken a life from my husband, a much deserved life, that he sacrifices everyday for me. An illness not life threatening, but debilitating. 

Today I am thankful for the moment I can spend soaking in sunshine. In this moment He ministers to my heart, my soul. I am reminded that he is in control and gone before me. He has a perfect plan for my life. I surrender. The war ceases and I accept His grace. His sovereignty. I am filled with His peace.

By His grace alone,

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
Jeremiah 29:11